The worst way to live is in denial, because not only are you rejecting truth, you are rejecting any opportunity for you to grow because of the truth. I present to you, a phenomenon I despise almost as much as the glorification of suffering:

spiritual bypassing

Spiritually bypassing is the forgotten sin — repressing feelings in favor of “spirituality” which leads to disconnection from your self. It is the religious teaching that you must ignore your feelings and only peddle the truth; you must not ever question anything, for that is also a sin. You must not say what you really think; you must pretend you agree with what the Bible and the pastor says, even if you don’t understand it. You must deny and abandon yourself in the name of moral righteousness.

Spiritual bypassing is just a life of denial. It’s telling yourself “I have no reason to feel this,” rather than let yourself just feel it and get over it. Because, you mistakenly believe that negative feelings are sins. The positive thinking ideology is often just encouraging you to bypass what you really feel and pretend to be happy. And that doesn’t work. In fact, it is counterproductive because it further reinforces your self-abandonment, or the beliefs that you are bad, wrong, and not allowed to be yourself.

I would go so far to say that spiritually bypassing is an ungodly act. It is a sin, right up there with lying, and those who peddle it are guilty of deception. God designed our brains to work a certain way; when we bypass our emotions, we disrupt divine order. There is evidence for this in the nervous system of someone who has unprocessed pain, be it anger, grief or fear. Your cells know when you’re lying about how you really feel.

The way to defeat the darkness inside you is not to deny it or “bypass it.” You cannot hate the darkness either. People mistakenly believe that negative emotions are demonic and must be commanded out. But negative emotions are gifts from God. You must love the pain to defeat it. Or rather, you must love the part of you that is in pain. Because when you bypass your pain, you are bypassing a part of YOU who needs help. You must wrap your arms around the darkest, coldest, most painful parts of you in order to free them from their pain. That is the only way. The only way out is inside of you. Admit that deep down in a place no one, not even you can find, there really is anger, fear, pain, hurt, darkness.

Remember: “Out of the heart flow the affairs of life.” The heart is not holding your peppy, ignorant, everything-is-good-and-fine attitude. The heart is holding your truth, that even you don’t dare to face. But until you face it, you are not only lying to yourself, you are also lying to God. God knows everything in your heart, all the pain, so there’s no need to hide it from him. He knows you’re angry, scared, confused, hurt, wounded. He still loves you. Honor him by giving him the truth. Honor yourself by facing, accepting, and loving your truth. Honest vulnerability is the only way to thrive.