Yesterday morning I visited a new gym, which had the following spray painted above a mirror on the gym’s turf area:
“Every workout is an opportunity to be better. Every workout brings you closer to someone you can be proud of one day. You-vs-you mindset. Always!”
Ah yes, there is no motivation quite like self-hatred. Men like to blame women when they say things like, “We have no value unless we work to you! You just want our money and labor!!” But the real truth is, most men peddle and binge on this idea nonstop because it’s part of modern masculine culture. Men believe they are not inherently valuable, as do many women. They believe they must do, serve or give to be a person of value and worthiness. Men believe they don’t deserve love unless they work hard or are, as the quote says, “better.” Women believe they don’t deserve love unless they are “hot” or serving a man in some way.
So let’s dissect why this particular quote is toxic.
“Every workout is an opportunity to be better.”
What does “better” mean, in this context? Better at working out? Stronger? More attractive to the opposite sex? More confident? No—while these might be implied aspects of “betterness,” the real meaning is that if you workout, you become more valuable as a person. You are not inherently good or valuable. Hence, you need to do things like workout to be a “better” person. Not morally better, just more acceptable.
Every workout brings you closer to someone you can be proud of one day.
Let me just translate this one for you: every time you come to the gym and pick up or push or pull heavy things, you have permission to like yourself a little bit more. As you are without this workout, you aren’t worth any praise or acceptance. You need to work, feel pain and achieve certain body metrics before you can love yourself.
You-vs-you mindset. Always!
You must battle against yourself constantly so you can eventually “win” by overcoming your humanity and achieving perfection. Except you will never actually achieve it. Which is why you must keep showing up every day. Maybe eventually you will “win” and approve of yourself. But not today.
These beliefs are complete and utter nonsense. My proof is that I can decide without any workout to love myself now as I am. I can practice radical self-acceptance and realize that I have inherent value and worth. I don’t need to change anything about myself, even if I was fat or ugly or poor, to be worthy of my own acceptance. Because accepting myself has nothing to do with meeting a certain external standard in my body or my life. Accepting myself only requires that I allow myself to want and feel whatever I truly want and feel. Accepting myself means telling the truth about everything I was taught through lies. Accepting myself means prioritizing my own opinion rather than what I think others think of me.
Is self love something reserved for women? Absolutely not. Men can and should recognize their inherent worth and value even if they never go to the gym. Working out does many beneficial things, such as making one feel more strong, attractive and confident, improving health and longevity, and building endurance and athleticism. But working out does not produce self love. It will not make you care for yourself any more. External behavior is never the answer to solving an internal problem, which in this case is self hatred. You can’t work, diet, train, fight, or punish your way to self acceptance. The only obstacles that matter to overcome are not “flesh and blood” but rather the “powers and principalities” of the beliefs in your psyche that make you hate yourself.
This leads back to my least favorite topic, the glorification of suffering among men.
what’d you think?